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Torture Sermon is a power tiro from NYC that has equal parts quirkiness and heaviness. This is not progressive rock or metal, but riff-rock with often funny lyrics. Just listen to some samples of songs off the CD. The song Ted K. gets heavy after 40 secs. Ted is a song about how the unibomber must have felt ashamed of his penis. The song "HEY!" is poppy. There's some non-silly subject matter in here, too. What do you want me to say?!? It's our band so obviously we think it's good, just like every other band out there that'll tell you that they're the shit, and I don't want to dissuade you from checking it out because my personality at the moment could be perceived as callous or offputting, but like the title of the CD says, "It's Not For Everyone", and I'm tired of trying to shill it as the next Bon Jovi. HOWEVER--it's DEFINATELY not nearly as crap as I might be painting it out to be--the musicians are top notch and two of us actually make our living by whoring for other artists with money. How long does this thing let me write for? Usually people like me think that their shit is so great (usually it's SO shit) and are assholes to be around--totally unappealing personality--so why would anyone be interested in your half-assed eliteist snobby band anyhow? Well, I don't think our shit is the un-stinkiest thing since sliced bread, but it is fucking pretty good--unless you're in the majority of record buyers that think it's a badge of coolness to not be able to play your fucking instrument out of a wet paper bag. I know what you must be thinking--"Oh, he's a disgruntled high-tech shredder from the 80's who can't understand why his parents don't like Dream Theatre" No No NO! I like the Melvins, Fu Manchu, whatever I don't care this CD is NOT math rock, and the guitarist isn't even very good, shit- I'm the bass player and lead singer and I'm not even a very good singer--we pitch-corrected the SHIT out of the vocals on this!!! I smoke and drink too much (which makes for some good lyrics but...) but I can't sing very well at all--but the music IS good in my opinion, it's mixed well, the lyrics don't bitch and moan like "OOoh, my life is worse than everybody elses" and aside from me having played with drummers Omar Hakim and Jonathan Mover (here comes the name dropping--what a turn-off) and our drummer (nickname Heavy Balls 10, which is also the title of the song about him being a mustachioid maintinence worker seducing students at a college campus) playing on Pink's album and was the drummer in "Splender", that 3rd Eye Blind knockoff band, in addition to a bunch of other meaningless names I could drop--sorry I'm ranting now. I was honestly curious as to how long I could blab on, then I got off on a tangent or two. I tried to put this CD on here for $2, then $3, and it wouldn't let me. I guess the lowest is $4. I'd give the fucking thing out for free if I didn't have to pay shipping. It's not that I don't think it's worth anything, I just don't realistically see me ever having a country house or even a car made since 1987 from being in a LEFT-OF-CENTER, SEMI-COMMERCIAL ART-HARD ROCK band. I do sincerely hope that some of you out there will appreciate, enjoy (IT'S REALLY NOT UNACCESIBLE AT ALL!!) and--God forbid--even BUY this CD. We're not even old (not that there's anything wrong w/ that), ugly (not that there's anything wrong w/ that), fat (not that there's anything wrong w/ that), or balding (well, Dan the guitarist is, but he's young and it's just one of those unfortunate things) and it would be a shame to have these 1,000 CDs sitting in my apartment that I share w/ Dan go to waste and be drink coasters. I'm tired of being the "Token Heavy Band" for all our friends that went to college and sincerely like it but we're the heaviest band in their CD collection. Maybe someone out there will like it regardless of being our friend. And hey-don't get me wrong-it's cool to go to college- Dan and Marc the drummer did--and I even went for a year. Thanks, Jimmy Riot P.S. I can't be bothered (ok I'm not sure how) to have this spell-checked, but I bet I spelled the bulk of my rant better than average, so don't contact me about corrections unless you buy the CD and give us our nickel or dime or whatever it'll be. If you DO buy it, then correct me all you want! But remember--I'LL HAVE YOUR NICKEL! Check out the artist's website: http://www.torturesermon.com Track List: 1. Heavy Balls 10 2. Ted Kaczynski 3. Hey! 4. Work Song 5. Channel 1 6. Accident Suggested CDs:Other Genres:
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